


Love will keep you up tonight

by tintedCupre



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Divorce, F/M, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Song: How Do You Sleep? (Sam Smith)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:02:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25379587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tintedCupre/pseuds/tintedCupre
Summary: Kun fell in love, kun loves him.Ten fell in love, Ten 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 him.it surprises him, how he can go to sleep without a tension crease. He wonders if he never meant anything to him, convinces himself that they're okay.He wants to reach out for the love that is long dead.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Comments: 11
Kudos: 35





	Love will keep you up tonight

**Author's Note:**

> What inspired me to write this was Kun's cover of How do you sleep. Bub has done such an amazing job at it you can literally feel the pain in his voice. 
> 
> I recommend listening to it while reading this 100%

[appearance](https://twitter.com/kuntenopy/status/1300018449494622209?s=20)

_**i'm done hating myself for feeling** _

_**I'm done crying myself awake** _

Lying in his bed, he rolls over to avoid the sun falling in in his face. He still can't believe the picture he received from Taeyong. It's Ten, in arms of another man. They're kissing passionately. There aren't any tears left in his eyes anymore. They hurt, sore and tired. 

_File attached_

_\- I don't know how to say this.._

_\- I tried to confront him_

_\- so sorry kunnie..._

_\- this isn't exactly relaxing but I'm out of words_

He wants to text the older back. Tell them it's fine. It's not the first time anyway, this isn't the first time. There's always a new someone. There are always apologies with half hearted love yous. Kun hates himself for forgiving the Thai everytime. Hates himself for never saying it to the other's face that he's wrong. He hates himself for still loving Ten after everything. No matter what happens, everyday there's a crave in him to seek the other's love. Everyday he just wants to be held close to his boyfriend and melt into him. His nursery job makes him build dreams about adopting a kid together with ten. But can he? Can he bring a kid in and ask his boyfriend to give him attention when he can't even give Kun time. Can he explain when to his child when his other father comes home trashed and might bring a lady or man with him. He feels his heart break at every turn the Thai takes away from him. After all this, he still ignores every thing. He excuses every lie as a mistake. It's a game now, he's not doing it for Ten. He's doing it for himself. 

There's a voice in the back of his head that tells him, "no, you're strong and you can get out of this" but it dies down soon and there's always a need for the younger's support to lean on. If life was a free fall he's pretty sure Ten would never come to save him. Moving to America, fighting his traditional Chinese parents all looks like a waste now. Maybe they were right, he thinks. Thinking about it just makes him feel more miserable. How many more mistakes can he forgive? How long till his shell breaks? His mother used to tell him that he's too forgiving. That people use him and step on him. At that time, he'd feel bad. He'd feel angry his mother thinks he's so naive. But indeed, Kun has grown to become a stupid helpless man. 

2 months later he gets married. There's nothing special about the proposal. Ten just says they should get married and he's obviously happy. He dials up numbers of their friends. Ten's family, who actually accepted that their son likes men (unlike kun's parents who broke all the connections) come and visit them. The Chinese loves how enthusiastic his fiance is about the preparations, choosing flowers and the Hall. The excitement lasts for days... till the shopping days and at the alter. 

He runs away from the party with people staring at him as his drunk husband kisses someone else. The Thai never comes home that night. 

_**I've gotta leave it and start the healing** _

_**but when you move like that, I just wanna stay...** _

Doyoung whines as he's being dragged around by Kun in the mall, "I bet he won't even understand." Only for the shorter to scoff. "He's not Taeyong who gets excited over plushies and can't understand half of the stuff." Kun loves Taeyong but he hates Doyoung's sharp mouth. They keep looking around but he just can't find something just enough. After 2 hours both of them agree, it's time for some rest. "What about the earring." The taller says sipping onto his coffee only to receive a shake. "It's really pretty... but I can't find a special connect to it." Doyoung sighs and leans back into his chair. "You're over thinking Kun." He says and looks around the open cafe they were sitting in. "This place is full of couples I feel weird." Kun laughs at him shaking his head and says in a teasing tone, "You're over thinking Doyoung." They bicker for a while like usual (mostly the taller complaining about everything.) "I can't just buy anything doie.. It needs to be something rememberable." He says slightly holding the locket around his neck. "You guys are disgusting." Kun just laughs again at the latter's comment. 

_"Close your eyes! Close your eyes!" He looks at his boyfriend who's jumping lightly on his feet. A smile spreads on his face and he mutters 'fine'. There's something on his head, all round he feels the cool sensation and then..._

_"Ouch" He cries and opens his eyes. Ten stands there with eyes squinted as his teeth were on full show, knowing he had messed up. Kun just smiled and took whatever the other had kept on his head in his hands. It was a locker, initials 'Ten'. His smile turns soft and there's almost tears in his eyes when he looks up at the other with a similar locket, 'Kun' written on it. "Now you, have no choice but to stay mine." Ten hugs him halfway into him tieing the locket but he hugs him back anyways. There isn't anything sad or happy or sexual about the space closed. It's home. Hugging Ten feels home. The familiar scent of lemon tea and lilies make his heart warm. "I love you." He says, a stray tear sliding on his cheek._

Fingers snap infront of his face and he is pulled out of his trance. "I said let's go!" He nods hesitantly, still in the old memory, but stands up anyway. 

They started on their hunt again, everything Doyoung would suggest, he'd receive a no and anything else on display didn't please the shorter. "Just buy something!" He whined again for the ⁿth time. "You can go home" Kun said with relaxed expressions, his eyes still wandering the store but then heading our of yet another one. He obviously wouldn't go home but he had stopped trying to look for anything and just kept observing people in the mall. After a scan, his eyes fixed on someone. "Wait..isn't that Ten.." Doyoung turns to look at the shorter but he's not beside him. He looks around and finds the man outside a store, looking at some jewellery products again. 

"Hey hey Kun, you said Ten was in office." Kun doesn't look at him and just nods, still holding a bracelet in his hand, inspecting it. "He's right there though." The older sighs, bracelet still in his hand as he turns around to see where his friend is pointing. "It's probably someone who just looks like-" Words leave his mouth as he sees, his husband standing, quite some distance away from them, constantly checking his watch as if waiting for someone. His eyes wide widen a little, mouth slightly ajar. "H-he said that.." Doyoung notices the distress increasing as a young boy approaches Ten, both of them smiling widely. "... Maybe he's also buying something." Kun says smiling but he feels the knots in his chest tighten. "That's what you said last 3 times kun...how do you still trust him." The Chinese has no answer to it. He looks away with a heavy pit in his heart. "It was a mistake Do...anyways, yeah...lets let them discover the place..I should...buy it." 

The price is slightly expensive but he smiles nonetheless. The writing is beautiful with initials, " _ **My love will keep you warm tonight.**_ "

_**what have I become?** _

_**looking through your phone** _

"What do you mean you can't be home tomorrow.." There's a lump in his throat as he puts the jajjangmyeon on the table, one of ten's favourite Korean dishes. "I told you." The Thai deadpans. "There's this meeting. We're planning on some changes in the studio." Kun nods and takes a seat. "I just thought tomorrow would be our day.." There's a light trial in his words. He doesn't expect the sudden thud of chopsticks. "Why do you always have to complaint about everything?" The Chinese is slightly taken back, mouth opening and closing as if not finding the right words. "Stop asking every little thing about my life! I don't want to tell you some things sometimes." 'Do those things involve your boyfriend' kun almost says but resists. "Why this why that, you always have some stupid annoying questions. What even is so special about tomorrow don't we spend time together like everyday." It's not his voice hurting his head. Ten never really shouts, his voice is leveled but it's the words that come straight for him. 

_He doesn't even remember our anniversary._ The dinner continues and the older bites his lip to not breakdown right there and then. 

10:30 strikes on the clock and he keeps his book down, switching off the lamp of his side. He lies down on his side, the very corner of his side facing the wall. Soon after, he can hear the balcony door lock which means Ten is inside the bedroom. He hears some shuffling of clothes and there's a dip in the bed. "Kun.." He hears the other mutter and he squeezes his eyes shut. Receiving no response, he sighed and relaxed back on his mattress. When Ten goes to sleep he slides above him, picking up the phone of the Thai. His hands are trembling lightly and his eyes travel back again and again to the sleeping man as he goes through the texts under the name saved ' _Dery💗_ '. The more he reads, his heart ache increases. There's a light tone with love and care in his texts and he can feel it. He can feel the adoration between them. 

_**oh now, love to you is just a game** _

_**look what I've done, d**_ _**ialing up the numbers on you** _

_**I don't want my heart to break** _

After keeping the plate in front of his husband he let's the other be alone for the time being going back into the kitchen. He made his favourite stake. If Ten would notice that is. The sound of water filling the cup echoes in between them. Kun realizes what their 'relationship' if he can even call that one, has come to. It's not a domestic peaceful silence. They're not early 20's driven helpless romantics. His supposedly husband, he's not the weird wild man with passion running in his blood. In front of him, sits a soon hitting 30 man. Tired, lost. Someone who's being caged with responsibility more than guilt. Eyes cold and empty, limbs unmoving as if dead. Unmade hair from bed he didn't want to wake up in but he's wearing a suit for his 'office'. Ten looks horrible to him for the first time. There's instant anger and disgust boiling up in him as soon as his glance goes to the Thai. He sighs, again. For the 4th time and an irritated noise is followed by a glass colliding with the table's surface. "Stop it you're so annoying!" Kun chuckles at how there isn't slightist bit of accent in the other's voice anymore. 

"I am of course.... I'm so annoying that you have to leave me.... even today for that kid." Ten looks up at him in horror but he's just smiling. He doesn't know what else to do. Cry? Beg him to stay? Has he not done that enough? "How did you know about hendery- you checked my phone?!" The shorter muttered in rage and got up. "I shouldn't have? I know. Good for me though, now I don't have to beat myself up for you working in the office on weekend... I should've know something was up since long before. Of course, you would like to try a young boy after your first one didn't work..Fucking wasted my time and energy on you. Thanks for telling me that sick head's name is hendery" He chucks down the water in one go, letting his mouth full and presses his teeth trying to hold back his tears. After all this time, he still hurts. Every single memory still draws him back. 

"Don't fucking call him sickhead." Ten says through gritted teeth and he can't help his body just turns into slapping the Thai, hard on his cheek. "You're right, he's not, you are." Slapping his cheating husband doesn't give him the relief he thought would get. It just makes him sadder, it makes him feel worse about himself. He tries not to let those emotions take over him and faces him with a straight face. He can't back down right now. 

There's anger and frustration on the others face but it drips like water. Or who know, Ten has always been a great actor to him. "Kun please listen..." He hears the tired voice and he already knows what the following words would be. "Listen what? It was a mistake? No it wasn't.. Oh wait better, I read things wrong?" He widens his eyes and makes a surprised face. "That must be it ten! I must have read the 'okays' as 'I love yous' and the rest would've actually been our texts, I just read the name wrong!" His smile dies down immediately. "There's no point of this anymore... I just.. I don't even know how to look at you in the eyes." He honestly mutters and looks down. Ten has protests written on his lips but he doesn't convey them. Not for a few seconds. "It..it wasn't a mistake." He says and if he didn't knew it before, he knows this time. It hits kun then. After all this time for telling himself, convincing himself. He's been trying to whitwash everything. Justifyinf every little action of them breaking. Everything just comes back to him at one moment like a wave, crashing over him. He steps back, shaken. 

Bare hands are clenching. His anger melts into fear like ice, every drop can be seen, the temperature decrease can be felt "Please don't say it..." That's all he can mutter. In his little game of hiding things from himself, he feels it hard to be even admitted to. "Kun you need to-" "Just go. I'm sorry please just go out today.." He screams and he pushes him out....to go to someone who's not him. He lets his husband go to whoever makes him happy, even if it breaks him. No matter what the other does it won't break him. 

A mistake doesn't feel good, and it felt good to Ten. He finally understands what he was dreading to. As soon as Ten leaves the apartment, he slides down against the wall, numb, emotionless. He doesn't know what to feel, it's like he's become so neutralised that he can't even express his sadness. He tries to take in what happened between them but it hurts. It hurts his heart and it hurts his head. It hurts that even after all this he still doesn't want to accept it. He doesn't want to admit that there's no potential left in their rest of what they call marriage. A wave hits him again, wave of sadness and heartbreak when he realizes that the other didn't even try to protest staying. He gladly took his leave to the boy, Hendery. He takes out the bracelet from the drawer and he cries immediately. He sobs and he wails, crashing against the bread he screams letting everything he's trapped in for so long. 

All this time, suffocating himself, for a man who won't spare him a glance. He feels stupid he feels so stupid. Kun curses for the first time. He curses Ten loudly, not caring about anything. There's nothing other than pain and sorrow in him. He's full of burden on him and he let's it out. He sobs as loud as he's never before. "What was it?!" He cries out. His voice goes low and he's hiccuping. "Why as I not enough for you..." He clutches the mat under him. "Is it my face...? Is it my body? My voice? What did you not like..." Hitting his head against the bed side, he still doesn't feel as much pain as he does in his heart. "I could've changed." Kun's gaze falls into his palms and he keeps looking at them with empty eyes. 

_**baby how do you sleep when you lie to me** _

_**all that shame and all that danger** _

_**I'm hoping that my love will keep you up tonight** _

_**baby how do you sleep when you lie to me** _

_**all that fear and all that pressure** _

There's a call on his phone and he doesn't want to pick it up but reaches out for it anyway. 'Ten💖' the contact reads and he bites his cheek. Wasn't he supposed to be out with that guy? A sob rises up in his mouth but he traps it by pressing his lips together and accepts the call. "Hello..?" He softly says, hesitant and a little scared. The other side is noisy like some heavy music and a lot of people are there. Someone almost shouting on that line replies, "Uh... Are you Kun? Ten's roommate?" There's a pang in his head, spinning a little and his heartache increases rapidly. "Y-yeah... Roommate. I-I'm his roommate." Kun replies, clutching the bedsheets. "Oh okay... Thank god. See, your roommate passed out drinking, I'm at a club and I can't carry him alone... I'm really sorry to do this to you but please help me bring him back to your place." There's an immediate yes on his tongue and the call ends. The voice sounded a little childish, or rather a little boyish. Was that hendery? 

He gets up wiping his tears and takes a cab to the location he received. There's another guy, slightly taller than even Kun, he looks fairly young probably under 20's and a healthy built. "Hey... I'm seriously so sorry, I can't take him back to mine my roommate will kill me." He says smiling and the Chinese forces a smile out. They reach soon and he helps carry ten upstairs placing him on bed who stays unmoving. After changing his clothes he moves out to the person sitting on the dining table and fills a glass of water for him. 

"Here.. You should have some." He slides the glass in front of him. The guy looks up and takes it sipping onto it. "I'm Sicheng." He introduces smiling sweetly. The guy looks nice, he's not the wrong one but still, seeing him makes Kun angry. "He must be hard to handle... Your roommate." He says pointing to the bedroom and laughing. As nice as Sicheng is, he can't help but be honest to him. After all, he will do the boy a favour. "He's my husband." There's silence and it looks like the other male takes time to register it. His face turning into pure shock and horror. Of course, who wouldn't be surprised. 

"You- you're... Really?" He says loudly but immediately covers his mouth. "I'm... I'm really sorry i-" "You didn't know..its okay." Kun says, a bitter smile on his lips. "Don't beat yourself over it, he only remembers he has a 'roommate', it's not your fault." He does envy Sicheng. He feels mad at him but there's no point fighting someone because your husband can't give time to you and pass it to random beautiful strangers. "Why..." He laughs at the familiar question. _Why are you still with him? Why don't you seperate?_ He's heard that a million times. From everyone around him and everyone his husband brings back home. "I don't know." The answer is honest like always. He doesn't question when the man gets up and leaves. After Sicheng leaves his thoughts go back to Hendery, the boy ten was supposed to meet today. He doesn't feel bad for picking up his phone and reading the texts.There are a lot of them. Probably 50+ going from angry to concerned. He feels bad him, even though he doesn't know that the boy knows Ten is married or not. 

Standing up he switches off all the lights and washes the glass going back into the room. He picks up the rooms he threw earlier and puts them in the laundry. Ten lays on the bed like a dead body. There's not an inch of movement, Kun lyes next to him and looks at his face. It's lit up by the dim moonlight. There are no stress or anger creases on his forehead, all his face muscles relaxed and he looks beautiful. His husband looks like the most handsome man in the world if not the universe. Staring blankly at him a sob finally escapes his mouth. "How can you sleep like this... How can you fall asleep after hurting me everyday." He cries but still keeps his voice hushed to not wake up the younger. "Why ten...why? I thought you'd always love me." He takes the slightly shorter male's hand in between his own and presses it to his cheek feeling the warmth.

Kun's heart is bleeding and Ten soaks in it unbothered. 

_**love will keep you up tonight.** _

The next month goes pretty normal. Ten never goes out except his office, he starts moving the house, changing position of things, minor details like paintings and coffee table. They don't talk a lot, he avoids having any interactions for the first week but soon enough they start talking again, his craving for the love and care taking over him and he despises how he's so gullible. There's a small domestic vibe with Ten close to him. Everytime they hold hands it makes his day better. Small things give him butterflies in his stomach. Even after all these years the love hasn't slightly faded for his other half. He feels at ease. He forgets anything that's ever happened. Even God forgives a 100 times, he had read. Maybe this was when their relationship would get back on the track. There was a big smile on his face just thinking about it. "What's with you being in such a good mood." Ten asks a little amused as he makes tea. Kun takes a seat and just shakes his head. "Nothing. Just happy." The Thai laughs a little half rolling his eyes and they drink their tea in silence. 

"I'll be a little late today." Ten says and his stomach drops. "There's a new student. Now I have to get them all to perform next week, I'll have to give her extra training..ah I'm so tired just thinking." He chuckles throwing his head back and rotating his head. "Hmm..it's okay. I just hope your students do good, you're the best teacher." He gives him an encouraging smile and a thumbs up. "I'll probably be free early. Kids are going on a break. It's just a goodbye event today.." He can already see the little kids he teach get excited and make a lot of noise; 4 year olds are cute but they're also a nuisance. "Kun laoshi." Ten mimicks a kid's voice and they both laugh. 

As he expects, the kids are making a lot of noise but he doesn't scold them letting them say goodbyes to their friends. Some of them are even crying and his heart melts. Kids are loyal to whoever they once make friends with. Ethan walks up to him and pulls on his pants and he looks down at him. "What's the matter baby?" He says squatting down in front of the blonde. The child doesn't say anything and throws himself in kun's hold wrapping arms around his neck. "I'll miss you teacher." He says with his little head on the older's shoulder. "You're amazing...you made me feel better, you're very nice and kind... also let us play for extra 10 minutes." It's innocent and sweet and it touches kun's heart. He pulls the child closer hugging him back, Ethan's small body getting squished in his own. "Thank you... I will miss you too Ethan." Just as he releases him a lot of kids come up to him, hugging him all at once. "Thank you teacher Kun. We'll miss you so much. You're nice and you're good." They singsong their words, vocabulary small but he feels home in those words. His hands might not be big enough to hug them all back but he makes sure to ruffle each one's hair as they leave. 

Qinji, a little girl stops and looks at him. "Teacher, do you like someone?" She asks and he smiles amusingly. "Of course. I like all of you." He says booping her small nose and she laughs. "No teacher~ I mean like my mama baba like each other." He thinks he should dismiss without telling her but he just nods. "I hope he or she treats you well teacher. My baba told me that my special someone is supposed to be very special, someone who will never hurt you knowing and that they'll be always there to wipe my tears. You should have someone like that too." She says sweetly. It's just a kid but he finds himself questioning his own relationship. "Thank you Qin...I'm sure I'll have someone like that." Qinji claps her hand seeing her parents and then runs yelling a goodbye. 

After his class, he feels stupid for taking kid's words. Kids who are barely 4 but they honestly feel more intelligent than himself. 

Has Ten ever been there for him? Trying not to beat himself over it he fishes his hand in his pocket and pulls out the box. He's finally going to give it when he comes back home. Just the he hears some aggressive Chinese and he turns to look at where it's coming from. He gets closer, not by intent but because they're really in the way he goes through. His feet immediately pause in front of them. It's Hendery... and Ten. A sudden rush in his body tells him to run but he stops. The younger out of the two notices him first and then, his husband turns to look at him. "K-Kun.." 

"You're really nice and kind."

"someone who will never hurt you knowingly."

"You should have someone like that."

A sudden confidence boost makes him stand his ground firmly. "And who is this..? Your friend? Or another little fling like that girl?" Hendery shouts at Ten. There's almost an immediate chuckle in his throat. "Another... I thought _my husband_ would be happy with keeping just one boyfriend." He says gritting his teeth. There's no sympathy for ten's shocked face. There's no love to his little habits. The younger looks a little shaken, stepping back a bit. "You- you're married!" He screams in English. The sudden impact makes his head spin. "You lied to me.. All this time.. You lied to me." As bad as he feels for the kid, he let's them solve their matter. Walking a bit away from them. Ten just stands between them, his mind divided in two. He turns back and walks to him. "Oh, and Ten... I'll contact a lawyer soon. If you need help in finding a house tell me, I'll ask xuxi to help you." There's not a single stutter in his words. He pats himself on the back. "By the way... our anniversary present." He shoves the box in the Thai's hands and then runs from there with fast steps. He doesn't want his... soon to be ex husband to see his tears. He cries a lot. It hurts knowing everything he built over the years, all the efforts to save them, it all fell apart. Everything he gave Ten was gone. All his love it doesn't mean anything anymore. he rips off the locket and throws it in his apartment on the floor. 

Ten stands there, numb and cold. Hendery had immediately called a cab, not listening to a single word. He opens the box Kun gave him. It's a silver bracelet. It looks very expensive and a pang of guilt hits him. "Love will keep you up tonight." The real words write warm but it's been scratched and a broken up has been written in place. 

He deserves it. Sliding down the sidewalk wall he's sobbing. All this time he's been ignoring everything the other has done for him.Kun was a giver. He just gave and gave until he emptied himself. Ten was the taker. He just kept taking everything, and he grew so used to it that in greed of more he hurt the only person he had with him. He hurt Hendery, a young kid who just thought he had found the love of his life. He hurt his 2 year long husband and 7 year long boyfriend who had done nothing but love him. He cries hard. 

**_Love will keep him up forever._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Ah i really like angst? I've been wanting to write this since long back but never started so I was finally like okay, I need to write this! 
> 
> This is unedited btw, sorry if there are mistakes I'm a littl lazy to edit this rn xp
> 
> If you want you can follow me on my Twitter - @kuntenopy


End file.
